My research as a doctoral student is with preschoolers. What this means is that I spend a ridiculously (and yet fabulously) large amount of time in preschool classrooms for data collection. Following are a few of the best conversations I have had with tiny humans, and my take on the same –

• The one where the kid can’t believe I just come to their school to creepily stare at them for hours, and call it ‘work’ (Part 1)

Kid, sitting on the grass in the playground, staring at me: “Why are you here everyday?”

Me, taken by surprise: “Oh, I do some work here. And I come to meet you all”

Kid, looking supremely unconvinced: *gets up and walks away to play*

• The one where the kid can’t believe I just come to their school to creepily stare at them for hours, and call it ‘work’ (Part 2, with a different kid)

Kid, looking at me curiously: “Why are you here all the time?”

Me, used to this question now, confident of my ability to answer: “I do work here, and I get to meet you all and see what you’re doing”

Kid, slightly confused, but look of understanding dawning on his face: “So you work for the school?”

Me: “Kind of”

Kid: “So you’re here all day?”

Me, realizing this explanation is getting messier: “No, I also have to go work at my own school after I leave from here.”

Kid, confused again: “So you have 2 jobs?”

Me, relieved at the easy culmination of the conversation: “Yes”

Kid, walking away, murmuring mysteriously: “I also have two different jobs”

Me, wondering whether to follow up, or accept that a 5-year-old believes he has two jobs: *shrug, go back to collecting data*

• The one where the kid is sincerely worried about these adults being responsible for the world

Kid, at housekeeping play centre, making pretend food: Here, I made you a burger

A visitor to the classroom, the recipient of the food, enthusiastically engaged in pretend play: “Oh yum! This is great! What all’s in here? I wish we had some ketchup to go with it. Also, do you know, there’s a restaurant nearby which serves a burger which is kind of like this. Have you ever been there?”

Kid, with the most concerned look on her face: “This isn’t real food, it’s plastic”

Me, looking away, trying not to burst out laughing, then turning back, and kid staring at me with a concerned ‘is-this-guy-for-real’ look on her face

• The one where the kid is concerned about my mental health and leads me to an epiphany

Me, walking into the classroom, having just heard a joke and still smiling about it: Hi, M! *smiling at M*

M, with a broad smile: “You’re actually happy today!”

Me, aghast and confused at what emotion she thought I’d been exhibiting every day in class before this: “Am I not happy everyday?”

M, shrugs, walks away, conversation over

Me, to myself: They know about my resting bitch face. Also, it apparently looks like my whole life is just sorrow…what have I been looking like?! *cue existential crisis*

• The one where I am rechristened (multiple times, and counting)

Kid: “Are you leaving now?”

Me, packing up: “Yes, I am. I’ll be back next week!”

Kid, calmly, and happily: “Okay. Bye Amber!”

Me, stopping in the motion of hitching my backpack onto my shoulder, and looking confused: “Who?”

Kid: “Amber”

Me, looking at teachers, lost: “Amber?”

Teacher, smiling and rolling her eyes, to kid: “This is not Amber. It’s Sanchari”

Kid, supremely unconcerned, looking at me: “You’re Amber now. Bye Amber!”

Other kids at the table, chiming in: “Bye Amber!”

Me, coming to terms with the inevitability of the situation: “Okay then. Bye!”

(Note: I have also been called Rachel and Claire)

• The one where the kid reminds me to be in the present moment, and chill out

Me to the kid who comes up to me, hugs me (I hug him back), while teacher is calling everyone to the carpet for group time: “Hi. Thanks for the hug. You need to go sit on your spot now”

Kid, fascinated with my papers: “I see?”

Me, showing him the sheet, then getting his attention again, while teacher continues to try to get everyone to the carpet: “You need to be on the carpet now”

Kid to me, still looking at my papers, with a lot of gravitas, holding out his hand in a stopping motion: “Woah. Wewax (relax)”

Me, once again trying not to laugh out loud: “Okay. But you still need to sit on your spot”

• The one where I got a much-needed reminder of why I do this stuff

Me to kid B, doing one-on-one activities with kid A, while kid B proceeds to climb onto my back, hugging me from behind: “Hey, can you go play somewhere else for now?”

Kid B, moodily: “Why?”

Me: “Because I don’t want (Kid A) to get distracted while she’s doing this activity”

Kid B, emphatically: “But I love you!”

Me, on the verge of tears, melting away: “I love you too. You can be here if you’re quiet”

(Note: Kid B was the supposed ‘problem child’ of the class, but became my favourite by the end of the year. She was the one I always got impromptu hugs from, and the one who insisted on spending her last day in school mostly cuddling with me. I miss her.)