Quarter Life Crises?

I don’t know how it happens, but there are situations where I’ve been ruminating over something for a while, and then I see these posts about that exact same thing somewhere on the net.

If the title didn’t give it away (I mean…it’s kinda obvious), I’ve been thinking about the new-fangled Quarter Life Crisis, which probably has been occurring since forever, but now that everyone can make a meme/comic/post and put it online, people are realizing exactly how common it is.

I mean it when I say it’s common…

Now, the focus is not on lamenting the loss of childhood (or rather, being forced into adulthood), but on the fact that it is okay to not be “settled” and “in control of life” at this age.

I think that’s very apt.

But then it got me thinking…why is it that everyone grows up with this idea that when they’re in their twenties, they will be established and everything will be figured out?

What have you done society?!

PS. How is it November already? Where did the year go? What is happening? Can you calm down, Time?

Late-Night Musings : Trust Issues

Trust Issues are the worst kind of issue to have. Ever. They colonize your mind and seep into your very neurons, making it hard (if not impossible) to open up and give up your inhibitions.

And ironically enough, the only way to get over trust issues, is to actually…

…wait for it…

…trust someone!

(And then keep worrying and getting anxious about whether that person is actually worthy of trust or not, and whether or not you’ve made a royally messed-up decision by opening up again or not.)

Oh the barriers we create for ourselves! How happy we would be if we could set our minds free instead.

PS. This is the most inconvenient thing to begin thinking about late at night.

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(from the net)

The Luxury of Self Pity & Seduction of Inadequacy

As I’m laid up in bed because a ligament in my knee, I figured no better time than this to notch up a few blog posts!

I watched the wonderful speech by Lupita Nyong’o (which slowly seems to be going viral on Facebook) in which she eloquently presents her thoughts on beauty and confidence. What struck me was her use of the phrase ‘seduction of inadequacy’.

I, with a simple ligament injury, have been trying hard to hold on and not give in to this seduction. And I’ve been very strict with myself as far as indulging in self-pity is concerned (read : Not Allowed).

For the first week, it was quite alright. It was a pain in the ass (literally) to have to stay in bed all day except when I had to use the washroom. I could have roamed around the house, but the knee immobilizer that I’m wearing, other than making me look like a war veteran, keeps slipping down if I bend at all. So I decided to just stay in bed and try and deal with all my pending univ work.

Needless to say, very little work was done and it was more of aimless net surfing and Whatsapping with a friend who had an operation recently; we bonded over what he called the ‘patient factor’. Then, the first weekend, my friends from  univ came over to my place (more like stormed the house) and it was a wonderful evening with a lot of laughter and reminiscing about Kerala. Their visit was over soon (too soon), and then it first hit me though I tried hard to stop it…self pity. Why me? This was so unfair! (And subsequent related thoughts).

Slowly, over the week, consolatory messages and concerned calls reduced in number. People moved on with their lives, as I knew they would, and my situation was no longer one of the Things To Talk About. And this is when I really comprehended what Lupita meant when she talked about the Seduction of Inadequacy. It pretty much goes hand in hand with self pity; it just feels dramatic and miserably good to know that you’re a damsel in distress. And you never realize how you’re weakening yourself by thinking so.

I guess it all comes down to what all sociologists would agree to – man is a social animal (not a very gender-neutral way of saying it though). We all love being with people, surrounded by others. I am one of those people who loves their solitude. But I realize now how much I actually need the hustle around me to be able to truly appreciate the solitude.

I want to go to college, I want to go to the library, I want to go for fieldwork, I want to do all the things which I usually find taxing just so that I can get out of the house, out of bed and be surrounded by people.

In the end, I think it’s just a human instinct to feel wanted and missed. Nobody wants to be out of mind even if they’re out of sight.

If I talk about my right to indulge in self pity or feeling inadequate, mine is a weak case…just a ligament injured in a freak accident. No one to blame, and in no way too serious. But for me, my life seems to be in shambles! As Anne Shirley would put it, I’m in the “depths of despair”. Not all the time, but whenever I realize I’m missing out on something exciting. Like today I was supposed to be chuckling and chatting with my friends at an univ function. But I can’t.

I guess I should pull myself together. I’ve bored you with my travails long enough.

Good bye. I shall go jump into the pool of self pity and fall prey to the seductions of inadequacy now.

What Exams Do To You

My exams are over!! Am I happy or am I happy? Well, my parents are quite happy too…my dad keeps reminding me that I’m a graduate now. Heh. I don’t know how to feel about that yet; I still have sudden moments of sadness and nostalgia about college. I still haven’t been able to wrap my head around the fact that three years of college is over. *deep sigh*

But, I digress.

So, what exactly do exams do to you (other than drive you up the walls)? Well, I did a bit of a study, the subject being yours truly.

1) Make you get up early *gasp* without anyone asking you to *speechless surprise*

I was really, truly surprised and proud of myself when I started getting up at 7-7:30 in the morning. I usually get up at 9am on holidays. Heh. Don’t sneer…you know you’d like to do so too.

2) Voluntarily give up TV viewing and laptop time

Making your mom very anxious as she wonders whether you’re feeling quite well. And then getting quite teary about how you’re all grown up now and can take your own responsibilities.

3) Makes you a master of taking decisions

As you strategically plan with your friends, or just decide yourself, about what topics you’re going to leave. Selective study is a very significant  and much deliberated-upon decision!

4) Leaves you with nail-less fingers

As you bite off all your nails when you realise you have 20 topics to study, with 5 new topics, within one-and-a-half days. Now is definitely not the time to think about that French manicure you were hoping to give yourself.

5) Teaches you what I call the ‘Hot Coals’ dance (includes a lot of jumping and incomprehensible verbal monologues)

Which you perform every time you can’t find an all-important set of notes or realise you’re missing out on a topic.

6) Makes you get Delusion of Persecution

You start suspecting all your classmates and feel they’re lying when they say they’re just as screwed as you. Everyone’s done everything…they’re just not telling me…lulling me into a false sense of comfort. EVERYONE’S LYING TO ME!!

7) Makes you form the perfect Itineraries

You plan all those DIY projects you have to do, and given a chance, you would just start them right now because they are so interesting and fabulous. So many books to read; you’re almost crying with frustration and cannot wait to get your hands on them.

(Side note : Why is it that whenever I use this word, itinerary, I’m scared it’ll come out as ‘itinerararary’? Not nice)

8) Alternate between periods of lethargy and hyperactivity

So, you begin with an energetic dive into your books and notes and you study feverishly, wanting to finish as much as possible as soon as possible. Very soon however, your back hurts, your eyes sting and you just feel…so…tired. So you take 5-minute gaps when you just stare at the ceiling and drool.

9) Curse a lot of theorists into oblivion

Poor them. They should have known better than to write so many theories and articles. And if that wasn’t enough, they’ll just come and critique some other theorist, hence necessitating the reading (and remembering) of twice as many theorisations.

10) Makes you lose track of time or become compulsively calendar-obsessed

Because you tend to study more in a day (under high-pressure situations) than when you have three days study leave. In the latter case, I tend to go gadding about, over-confidently believing that I’ve just got too much time, so I can must waste it.

11) Makes you hate music

Because each song you hear is guaranteed to dance around in your head when you need to concentrate the most. And really…have you ever tried studying/writing an exam, with JLo feat. Pitbull blaring in your head?

12) Makes you strike up conversations with random people

Because at this point, any conversation, is a good conversation. Any break, is a good break

There’s a lot more, I’m sure. What do you do during exams (except studying of course!) ?

Where have I been?

Nowhere in particular. Just haven’t been blogging much.

But why? It’s not really like I’m out of things to talk about, but most of the time I just don’t get the time to actually sit down and write them out. This lack of time is mainly because of the whole process of having to apply to different universities and then worrying about how to sort of prepare myself for the many entrances I must give for them.

Next year, I may or may not be here at home. That’s because I might venture outside my hometown to take up higher studies. And to be able to get in somewhere, I must work towards it. Basically, I’m quite jittery about the not-so-far future. There are, of course, quite a few questions in my mind. Like, will I be a better academician/researcher or corporate worker? Should I even think of being a corporate woman? Will I ever be able to check all those papers if I become a Professor? Can I handle irritating students/co-workers? Can I handle annoying colleagues? Will I not fall asleep on a desk-job? Won’t the corporate world be too practical for me? Won’t the intellectual world be too serious for me?

Okay, I’m not that confused! I’ve answered quite a few of those questions already. So ya…I’m not that confused *I’m not, I’m not, I’m not*

Well, answers are being found to many questions on a frequent basis. Answers are changing depending on my mood. But I think I’m leaning more towards one of the two already.

Oh dear! What am I going to be when I grow up? Never thought it’d be so confusing! *sigh*