The Age Old Question

I’m sure many, many, infinite number of people have asked this question before…but I’ve been asking it only recently.

What is ‘falling in love’ all about?

This is not the sort of thing I usually write about, and I know when some of my friends read this, they’re going to scoff and question my sanity. Coz I’m cool y’know? I don’t talk about such mushy stuff. And it’s true though. I’m not the kind of girl who likes talking about love and boyfriends and all. But I am a girl. Surrounded by people who’re “in love” with someone special. Constantly messaging or having hushed conversations with the ‘special one’, with a bit of hair-twirling and soft giggling thrown in. How is a person to stay oblivious?

I’ve got many friends who are in a relationship. A few of them have been (or still are) in bad, constrictive relationships. Two of my best friends were in such relationships. This did the efficient job of making me believe that I don’t want to ever be in a relationship myself unless and until I’m totally sure that this guy truly loves me et al.

Having spent three years in an all-girls college, I was sort of cut off from male friends for a while. Now, as a lot of my friends are guys, I’m starting to look at their perspectives about girls and love (Note : one good thing about not being an usual gossipy girl – people open up with you). And the first thing that attracts a guy, is how good-looking the girl is. I know a lot of guys who had crushes and got infatuated with a girl because she was pretty and girly. So…how long can looks sustain a relationship? I have no clue myself. But I do know that good looks cannot go all the way. It’s very important to have compatibility.

The concept of love has scared me when I think of a few distinct cases where female friends of mine are (in reality, or hope to be even after being dumped) in relationships with a guy who is controlling and dominating or unfaithful, because they “love him”. Does love make us lose all our self worth and dignity? Does it make us forget the independent and strong people we were before a single person started calling the shots in our life? Is ‘love’ a good enough reason to stick with someone even if they mentally confine you and try to possess you? And a good enough reason to forget all the other loved ones in your life just because this one new person feels insecure?

I know the answers are all a resounding ‘No’. But let’s face it…so many people are going through hell just out of love for some one person, out of some misplaced sense of loyalty…for a person who, frankly speaking, doesn’t give a sh**. I get very worked up when I remember these friends of mine. I can’t believe the ways they try to change themselves just to make their boyfriends (or ex-boyfriends who dumped them, but whom they still love) happy.

Being in love has really become a fad now. I’ve heard so many people tell me that they feel out of place at their hostels because they’re the only ones who’re single. Everybody else is in a relationship. So, many people are happily putting up ‘In a relationship’ statuses on Facebook, and posting lovey-dovey pictures together. I’m not saying all of them are fake and made-up. But you have to admit…most of them are, and very obviously so.

I’ve always believed that I would only actually fall in love with a guy because I’d actually love HIM. Everything about him. Be his best friend, and love him because of that. And he too would love me for reasons other than how good I’d look as arm-candy or how popular I am. But sometimes I question this logic. Is it too optimistic?

Though I am much happier single right now, sometimes I wonder whether coercing some guy into dating me isn’t such a bad idea after all. Because everyone else is so bloody engrossed with their own Prince Charmings and their Queens, I need someone for whom I’m the number one priority (except my parents of course)!

Maybe that’s what love is all about then? Finding that one person, for whom, you’re the world.

But it’s so damn complicated! *sigh*



12 thoughts on “The Age Old Question

  1. Very straight from the heart.. Loved reading!

  2. What a great post! I think the term “falling in love” stems from that swirly feeling in our bellies when we meet someone. But all that is only chemistry. True love leaves you feeling stronger, better, and bigger. There’s nothing “falling” about it. Kudos to you for being unwilling to settle just because love is “in”. Best wishes.. Be great! -Meg

  3. Sanchari!! Happy New Year! Love…oh my. The realist in me would tell you that it is an illusion; an emotion concocted by those who love to live in the clouds. The idealist in me would tell you that there’s someone special out there for everyone. That said, I think what we should never do in life is settle–not when it comes to love or anything that is life altering. I think good things are in store for you, friend. Have a little patience and watch the Universe’s plan unfold before your eyes. In the meantime, smile and continue to be your lovely self. And remember, many married women would give anything to be single! ha! Hugs! :)

  4. Oh, but it’s not so damn complicated! :)

  5. You enabled comment moderation?! Whaii :O

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